trusting yourself

I've found my calling as an artist, as a photographer.  It's all I want to do for the rest of my life.  I want to find inspiration, to create and to share my vision with the world in order to find connection.  

I have always been an artist, ever since I was young.  But until very recently, I never felt it was a worthwhile pursuit.  My talent wasn't really acknowledged growing up and if it was, I was never really encouraged to pursue an artistic career because my family was very practical and art was somewhat of a fantastical idea rather than a solid plan to build a future on.  But being an artist on the inside and repressing her so hard made life very difficult.  I wasn't "normal"- I couldn't hold down a normal job and felt trapped and miserable in a normal life.  I always felt strange and broken.

My environmental portraiture centers around this life experience.  My fears, dreams, nightmares, anxieties, disappointments are all featured in the works I've created.  Much of my life has been lived with negative/sad/angry/disappointed/fearful emotions swirling around inside me.  Picking up my camera and using my artistic gifts to create works that express what it feels like to live with these feelings of incompleteness and abnormality has offered me an incredible sense of catharsis and relief.
I now acknowledge that I was designed this way for a reason - to experience a normal life abnormally and feel what I've felt to make this work, express myself artistically and emotionally and connect with others who might feel the same way.  I could never render these images if my life had turned out any other way.

To all the loving people who maybe to help or fix my discontent - this is why I resisted!  To the people who have felt like I do (the artists in denial/repression/confusion) - you may feel different, feel crazy, feel like you'll never fit in, but you are not alone!  We are one and I hope my images offer you a sense of connectedness, amidst their landscape of isolation.

Express yo'self!

it's been so long...

Winters in the Northwest are tough for me.  It's soggy and gray and chilly and I spend lots of time indoors, which makes me feel like a trapped animal (in cozy slippers).  When we do get a sun break, I'm out the door as soon as possible.  

I was lucky enough to get out to the forest for an hour or so before it started pouring again last week.  It was quiet and solitary and raindrops adorned plants and trees and spiderwebs everywhere I looked.  The magical thing about the forest is that you don't have to walk more than a few feet, stop, look around, and you'll be transported to a magical world full of tiny wonders.  You can escape from the dreary ordinary world.

This is how I've fallen in love with the magic of macro photography, and why it feels like my therapy, my meditation.  It's what keeps me going through these long winters.